9/25/2009

I'll never edit this one.

To A Rose



You would have loved now, too,
simple red truck, this simple song
as others you’d loved,

as, too, all these words I’ve read
before this halting
evening, would have read to you,
some I did,
some written since.

Too, a reverence
for odd things, as me and
this impromptu drive, as you—
to the length of a living in them,
or from them, too—
would have found you.

You, difficult with words,
were difficulty, too—
but a worship, some find, in difficult things
to keep us, as I’ve
with you.

See, a rose is less to me you,
less, too, any words.
Forget this road or this evening, too.

There will be others soon.

Only, there’s love, too,
odd with things too gone.

9/23/2009

My Short History (2009)

Bank Chōka:

Before drawing blinds
windows play through me to walls
this first floor lending
dashboards’ glare to workspaces
you’d recognize as
a droning heart’s forgiving
the hunt’s lonely offices.
Found an old version of this meme in the 2005 archive and thought I'd throw out an updated version—seasoned by the last four years.

Ten Years Ago:
It's my first year of college and I'm on a pre-med tract with plans to major in Neuroscience. My classes are advanced general chemistry, "The Ethics of Life and Death", introductory Spanish (8 a.m. M-F), and third-semester calculus. Drunk with freedom, I love my single dorm room, download music and movies off the local network, play my guitar loudly on occasion, and spend most of my time studying calc, hanging out on my hall and playing club lacrosse. I'm single and in awe of the lovely coeds on the adjacent floors—as well as of the campus experience as a whole. My work-study job has me cleaning, filing, filling, ordering and doing surgery on frogs in a pharmacology lab.

Five Years Ago:
Unhappy with teaching high school, I've moved to New York to find a day job while working toward an MFA at Brooklyn College at night. Unfortunately, financial aid/in-state tuition doesn't happen—but I've set my heart on finding a job in New York and have a little nest egg to work with. I live with a good friend from H.S. in his shared apartment in Kip's Bay and spend my time going to museums, poetry readings, going out with my roommates and hitting the pavement for any sort of employment. I'm happy, romantic, poetic and a little clueless. Financial terror has yet to set in. I start this blog.

One Year Ago:
I've been at my new job in Buffalo for almost six months and have taken advantage of the beginnings of financial security by travelling to visit old college friends. Things are simple and getting better by the day. Each month, I use more than half of my income to pay down debt. Writing has fallen somewhat off the face of the earth, but I keep trying to resurrect it (think I was start-stopping a novel at this point) and continue to read a lot. I've gotten back into running and lost a bunch of bad-lifestyle weight, but a few 5Ks have made it obvious I need to have my knee scoped. A new online friend (in Boston) becomes a great outlet for me, now far away from many of my closest friends and with most of the locals pairing up and buying homes.

Yesterday:
Still reeling from a great weekend (of which I've had a lion's share this year), I head back to the job. Fri–Sun had me in a friend of 18 years's wedding party and seeing a wealth of other friends (including one in from Boston). Yesterday was a very typical day (minus the mystery ailment that struck me mid-afternoon and kept me home today): work, HIIT run, home for hours of CFA studying, some airfare searching, and a quick chat online followed by reading myself to sleep. Book: A Vindication of Love (which I'm actually finding to be a lot better than I'd expected).
Phew. That's a lot of recap. I'll take now and tomorrow, please.

• • •
Lately, too, I'm infatuated with poems about office life: "My Fortune 500 Love Poem".

Thinking about a project. . . .

9/06/2009

Old Friends

Winding down the last bits of a great summer. Things are getting better all the time, but I feel even more changes coming on.

Cool stuff I've done this summer:

  • Went to my ten-year high school reunion. (Trippy.)

  • Cohosted a stag party in Ellicottville, N.Y. A series of toxic shots were taken in, each preceded by a biographical limerick.

  • Had most of my shirts taken in.

  • Went to a wedding in Nashville. (The bride wore cowboy boots and the perfect reception was held at the Cannery Ballroom.) Other highlights: going for a long run in Lenox village (only slightly creepy) and, as always, chowing down at San Antonio Taco Co.

  • Read this poem: "Emily, It's Better This Way".

  • Went to a wedding in Lenoir, N.C.—and used this as an excuse to stay with a good friend in Charlotte. We had beer and bratwurst at The Olde Mecklenburg Brewery, est. 2008. We also had a BBQ lunch at Mac's and dinner at Hotel Charlotte.

  • Bought V.C.'s Salvinia Molesta.

  • Continued to keep my job.

  • Found out that a poet friend of mine just ran off and got married—and opened her second green general store!

  • Got back into running. (With a repaired knee!)

  • Took up golf (er, the driving range).

  • Read this poem: "Selfish".

  • Started diving deeper into VBA.

  • Got back into writing mode.
• • •

In a few weeks I'll have the final wedding of the season—at which I'll try not crush too hard on the maid of honor. This fall I'll be studying more and more for the first level of the CFA exam. This winter I'll, hopefully, be finding new digs.
Lord, when all my work is done,
Bless my life and grant me one
Old friend,
At least one
Old friend.

7/29/2009

My Life According to B.B. King

Stolen from Facebook . . .

Using only song names from ONE ARTIST, cleverly answer these questions. Pass it on to 15 people you like and include me. You can't use the band I used. Try not to repeat a song title. It's a lot harder than you think! Repost as "my life according to (band name)".

Pick your Artist:
B.B. King

Are you a male or female:
I'm a King

Describe yourself:
I'm a Poor Man, But I'm a Good Man

How do you feel:
Slowly Losing My Mind

Describe where you currently live:
I Gotta Move Out of this Neighborhood

If you could go anywhere, where would you go:
Ain’t Nobody’s Business

Your favorite form of transportation:
Walking and Crying

Your best friend is:
So Excited

You and your best friends are:
Troubles, Troubles, Troubles

What's the weather like:
Stormy Monday

Favorite time of day:
When Love Comes to Town

If your life was a TV show, what would it be called:
Nobody Loves Me but My Mother (and She Could Be Jiving Too)

What is life to you:
Paying the Cost to Be the Boss

Your relationship:
Think it Over

Your fear:
Everything I Do Is Wrong

What is the best advice you have to give:
Let Me Love You

Thought for the Day:
It’s Still Called the Blues

How I would like to die:
Bad Case of Love

My soul's present condition:
The Thrill Is Gone

My motto:
It’s My Own Fault Baby

7/27/2009

Root Beer Vodka and Sprite

Yet the Stars


Doomed girls dove for your
     premonition,

even chasing tomorrow-bones
in the family atoms.

Start moving.

Just go home and forget
the garden small and dead,

your body’s shell.

Leave town,
travel the nylon of hanging skin.
Now, when I want a root beer, I don't have to bypass the alcohol. Dare I try a float?
• • •

← I enjoyed the original—though the tone of the first few smacked of something I would have written once (or perhaps did). Not that smacking is bad, per se.

Each time I post here, I feel the need to explain where I've been and why all the no-time. But the fount of self-enthusement isn't there. Would like to get back into the habit, though. Hmm . . .

This place from which I'm writing is not my own—nor is the daytime cube. There are things that I have, however. E.g. This ever-increasing sense of age, health, plans, a truck.

And it's wedding season, which always brings me back to poetry and other things I miss—friends, cities other than Buffalo.

            ___               __      __             _            
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o | _ \ | +| | | _| | _| / _` | | | / _ \
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. . . We can so easily slip back from what we have struggled to attain, abruptly, into a life we never wanted; can find that we are trapped, as in a dream, and die there, without ever waking up. This can occur. Anyone who has lifted his blood into a years-long work may find that he can't sustain it, the force of gravity is irresistable, and it falls back, worthless. For somewhere there is an ancient enmity between our daily life and the great work.
—from "Requiem for a Friend", by Rainer Maria Rilke
(trans. Stephen Mitchell)